Friday, August 19, 2011

I Didn't Hide In My Bed All Day

Today started out rough. I had every intention of going to work. I got up, fed Harper. Pumped. Bathed and dressed myself. I was all ready to go but I just...couldn't. Standing in the doorway, looking outside, knowing I needed to leave just became completely overwhelming. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen. I felt dizzy and light-headed.

So, today I was home again.

I forced myself to stay downstairs instead of crawling back into bed. I called my therapy office and basically demanded I be seen much sooner than what was scheduled. I was told there was nothing she could do because they are not a "crisis clinic". I said I would find another provider. Interestingly enough, I got a pretty fast call back. My September 7th appointment is now set for Monday.

I had Brad make a list of things to be done and was able to get those things accomplished. I feel like I did positive things today that are working towards feeling better. I didn't do all I should but instead of thinking about the sink full of dishes? I will concentrate on what I DID do.


NicoleNeal said...

Concentrating on what you did do is a great start. Not even a stack of dirty dishes is more important than feeling better. Every step is a step in the right direction as long as you feel good about even the little things.

Keep breathing, know you're loved.

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

Good for you. Have you considered looking into an FMLA leave? I know you probably had maternity leave after giving birth, but maybe there's a way to extend it?

Jo said...

Thanks Nicole. You are so right.

Britni: I actually am eligible for FMLA leave because the benefit year started over on July 1. I've already submitted paperwork for intermittent leave 'as needed for flares'. So theoretically I should be able to miss work if I need to without it being for a set period of time. We shall see how it worked when I return on Monday.