I followed through (yay me!) and had a doctor appointment yesterday to evaluate my medications. Doctor came to two immediate conclusions:
1) I was at a 'sub-therapeautic' level of my antidepressant.
2) My particular choice of birth control was NOT indicated as appropriate for a person who has a history of depression.
The first one I knew, as my original doc and I decided to go with a low dose as I am breastfeeding. The choice was made to start small and move up as needed. Guess what? It was needed. *wink* Normally, when I get depressed, it feels like a slow decline. This time, it felt like I fell off a cliff. Needless to say, instead of a 'I wonder if my meds are working moment' it was more like a 'Oh holy HELL I feel like crap' experience.
As for reason two, it totally explains why I had such a swift decline. It wreaked me hormonally at a time when I really need to have 'all of my ducks in a row' so to speak.
The doc was completely NOT surprised to see me based on what I was taking (and what levels I was at). She increased my dose of one, asked me to discontinue the other and told me to check in with her in a couple of weeks.
I ALREADY feel better. While I know that my meds cannot possibly be working yet, just knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel really helps...and it's not the train coming. Woot! (See? Stupid jokes are returning. Tell me that isn't a sign of good things to come...)
Anyway, thanks for your comments, concerns and ASS-CHEWING phone calls. I really do appreciate and love that you all care so much about me...and I really AM GOING TO BE OK. ;)
Things to do next week:
1) Follow up on my therapist search, taking full advantage of all of my resources. (I work with mental health nurses and have relatives who work in the field so I should be able to bounce some names around and get good feedback.)
2) Try to sleep more.
3) Go on at least one walk - weather permitting. (Like how I gave myself an out on that one? hehee)
3) Continue to set goals to improve my overall health and well-being.
Things to do that are 'ongoing':
1) Remember that I have friends and family that care and worry about me.
2) Ask for help when I need it. Remember that I don't have to do things alone anymore.
We will be at a wedding this weekend, where I've been assured that we will get a 'break' from the littlest one. The girls are gone this weekend, Jamie will be passed around like a bad cold (don't blame me, that was ALL BRAD) and we will get an opportunity to actually pay attention to each other. I think that's a good thing.
For now, I must go. Baby is sleeping (yay) and my husband wants to ...snuggle. Yep, think it's going to be a very good day.