Current news reports about the Duggar family are incredibly triggering to me. I was repeatedly sexually abused by a male family member when I was a child, and my abuser was never officially charged or prosecuted.
I was 13 when I went to my guidance counselor because I was having nightmares. I was hesitant to share but I had just moved to a new school in Minnesota and didn't really know anyone. I didn't have anyone else to talk to about how I was feeling. She listened to me, then explained gently that because of what I'd told her that she had to contact the authorities. I begged her not to, explaining that I had already told before and nothing had been done. It didn't matter. She had to report it.
Thus began a parade of police and social workers. I was sent to counselors and assigned a guardian ad litem. My mother, whose hold on sobriety was tenuous at best, crawled back to the bottle and stayed there. The people in charge of my case told me that my abuser was arrested. More importantly, they told me they believed me. Then, they told me that he was not going to be charged because the statute of limitations had expired in the states where he had abused me.
I'd told my mom about the abuse years before when we lived in Iowa, when we were still living with the abuser. She took me to the police then. A doctor examined me and decided I'd made it up because there was no physical evidence. He told my mother that I was jealous of her new relationship. When I told her later that it was still happening, she slapped my face and told me to stop lying. I wasn't lying, I just wasn't old enough to accurately describe what was happening to me. Seven-year olds don't know much about sodomy and the male doctor who examined me hadn't checked thoroughly enough.
 |
| For perspective, this was about how old I was when I met my abuser |
We moved often over the next few years, leaving rumors of other victims in at least three states. I know at least one other child was abused because I was there when it happened. My mother eventually left my abuser. Then she left me behind with a series of friends and relatives while she dove head-first into the bottle. I eventually ended up as a ward of the state after telling a judge that I would probably not survive living with my mother any more. My heart was completely broken when I did this, but my foster parents taught me how families should be and of equal importance, made sure that I got the intensive counseling that I desperately needed. It took years to truly understand that I was not responsible for what happened to me.
Seeing another abuser avoid charges due to the statute of limitations made me so incredibly angry that I was literally shaking as I read the news report. I've been following the story and I've seen all of the online arguing about whether Josh Duggar should have been made to pay for his actions. The family allegedly reported the abuse, and stated that they got help for all involved, but it would appear that that they are being less than honest about that. People are saying that the girls are being victimized again by the story coming out now and that we should leave it alone. I'd like to agree, but I don't because every single day that the people involved stayed silent, the opportunity for Josh to offend again was there. I also fear that his victims have not gotten the help that they need to truly understand that they didn’t deserve what happened to them.
I reported my abuser and he abused me many more times after I did. People who are sexually attracted to prepubescent children don't suddenly stop being that way. My abuser also said that he got help and was no longer offending, but he lied. Last year, another rumor circulated that he’d molested someone well after claiming he had stopped.
The Duggars chose to hide the abuse and shield their son from consequences. They are responsible for every single victim that comes forward from here on out. He abused at least 5 girls, one of which did not live in his household. I am literally sick to my stomach as I wait for more victims to come forward. Sadly, I am confident that we will be hearing from them
soon.
Every state needs to make it so that abusers cannot continue to offend without consequence because the victims don't come forward "soon enough". Some states have legislated that sexual abuse against children does not have a statute of limitations. We need for EVERY state to do so and we need them to do it now.
Stumble it!