Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Brain Dump

My heart hurts. So many things going on all at once. So much to keep my mind constantly working. I don't think it is anxiety really, but maybe it is. My brain is just seems to be running full steam all of the time. My world keeps changing and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Harper is using full sentences and making her thoughts and wishes clear. Today she was in the car with me and she kept saying my name. I kept asking her what she needed but she just kept saying my name. After about the fourth or fifth time, she said "I LOVE YOU" then giggled. Ohmyheart.

Jamie is almost four is still entirely too attached to his pacifier. We've been explaining that when you are four you don't have a bink anymore. He seems ok with the idea of getting rid of it now, but we'll see how it goes. Tonight he said "I always love you Mama". That boy sure knows how to make me melt.

Katy is my sweet girl who loves to talk more than doing what she's supposed to be doing. Seems like about two weeks ago she was Harper's age, running around in a diaper and a fancy hat and nothing else. I had to get a splinter out of her foot tonight and her feet are almost as big as mine.

Laura is already a junior and I cringe at the thought of her starting college but it will be here in no time. My smart, sarcastic, and beautiful girl will be on her own soon. I'M NOT READY.

My in-laws are celebrating forty years of marriage on Sunday. I am confident that some day Brad and I will do the same but wow...forty years seems like an amazingly long time now. I'm sure Dave and Linda thought that once too.

Brad is hitting a ten year milestone in his sobriety. I can't even tell you how proud I am of this man. I never knew him when he was drinking and never will. I'm confident of that.

I'm in contact with all of my brothers. Not daily but the occasional text or Facebook chat to keep track of each other. For now that is enough but I can't wait to see their faces and meet their children and partners. Someday.

So many things on my mind, good and bad. Past, present, future all spinning around in my mind. I'm so aware of time passing so quickly all of the sudden. It seems like the days are going faster and faster. I just want everything to freeze for a minute so I can relax and enjoy it.

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