Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Just Write - Week 56

Sometimes I feel like a failure.

I had all of these big plans when I started staying home. Meal plans, education time every day, lots of walks and outside play time, trips to the apple orchard and other fun stuff...I was going to be the best stay-at-home mom EVER.

Reality? I am sitting here on a laptop while the kids while they dance along to the Fresh Beat Band on Netflix. There are toys everywhere and the breakfast mess hasn't been cleaned up. Dishes from last night are still in the sink and the dishwasher hasn't been started yet. The load in the washing machine had to be washed three times because I kept forgetting about it until it got all stinky. There are goldfish cracker crumbs everywhere.

Granted, every day is not like today. It is rainy and gloomy and wet outside and it's hard to feel positive when we can't get outside at all. The sun helps bake some of the bad feelings out of my skin. I miss it's warmth and can't wait until it is nice outside again.

Some days I keep up with the mess and even get a little ahead of it. I have supper on the table by 6 pm and feel a sense of accomplishment. We all have clean socks and no one has to search for two that match. Some days I play games with the kids and there is lots of giggling.

It is challenging having four kiddos in the house that are ages four and under. I wonder if I didn't know now that I did set my expectations too high when I made all of those big plans. I'm working on being kinder to myself about how much I get done in a day. I wonder how to get enough done to feel better about myself.

So now I'm going to off of my behind and going to get those dishes done from last night. Then I'm going to get out the alphabet flash cards like I've been planning and play with the kids. Then, when nap time comes, I'm going to make a kinder and gentler 'plan' for myself that helps me get stuff done around here and still gives me time to play and relax.

Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary invites us to Just Write and link up to her blog every Tuesday. She said to just write freely, capturing a moment without forcing it or spending too much time in clarification. Please visit her for details.

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P.S. For those of you who worry, I am just fine. Today is just a gloomy and wet day and it's hard to feel good on days like these. I'm going to have (another) cup of coffee and kick it into gear and then I'll feel better. I just didn't realize how much it would take out of me having four littles in the house. We are adjusting to having limited outside time and getting a little stir-crazy from being trapped inside because of the weather. I love being home with the kids and wouldn't trade it for anything. In fact, I had a nightmare about my old job that told me very clearly that I am where I should be.  :)

1 comment:

bunkersdown.com said...

I hate those failure-feeling days. (I also hate the Fresh Beat Band, but that's a topic for another day.)
Solidarity sister.