I'm sitting on the couch watching the kids play with toy cars. Harper comes up to me and says "Cally poop". Turns out that Harper pooped (on the floor) but was more than willing to blame it on the cat.
Jamie is running around with his backpack full of toys. He's pretending to go to school. His friend Abby started school and he's feeling sad about it. He keeps asking me if he gets to go when he's 4 like Abby. Poor guy.
I was cleaning up my bookmarks on Google Chrome and realized there was still some stuff on there from my old job. As I was deleting them, I clicked on one by accident. Out of curiosity, I decided to see if my position had been filled. (These things tend to happen very slowly at my old job.) Turns out that I've been replaced. I'm glad because the students and faculty at the university where I worked need a support person or the job wouldn't exist. I'm also sad because now there is officially no going back.
I knew that when I left that it was forever. There were many factors behind my leaving and most of them have probably not changed. Even if we decided that my staying at home was not working out, I'd still find a different job. Still, seeing it in writing that the door is now closed for me makes me feel...well, I don't know how to feel.
Not long ago, a student asked me when I was coming back. It was nice and I was happy knowing that I had been appreciated. Being away from the situation makes me remember the good stuff and forget about some of the challenges.
Being with the kiddos at home is the right thing. I know it and they love being home with me and I love being home with them.
Can't help thinking about the 'what ifs' though.